i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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