My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
