so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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