4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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