you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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