i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
