You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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