I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
