Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
