I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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