Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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