her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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