im drinking this country out of the recession.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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