Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
