He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
