I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
