We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We got so high we made milksteak
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
