did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
