He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
