PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
