If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
