You're my little dorito
he thought i was a dude.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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