Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
