Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
