glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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