when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
