I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
