apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
