And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
