You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
