i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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