Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
