i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
