Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
