Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
