I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
