We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
