I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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