His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this is an emotional support booty call
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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