I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
