So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
