you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
