If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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