You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
