A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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