u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can text with my tongue
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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