I think im going to throw up on grandma
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
