are you still at the devil's house?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
