I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My hand turned me down
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
