There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
